you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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