so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
