God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
