Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
honey bunches of taint.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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