My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
