the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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