upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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