i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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