I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize