What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
