Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
