I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
