My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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