Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
