I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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