When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
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I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
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I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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