My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Let's get the cat blown out
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
