gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
