I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
