I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
