i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
