these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
