What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
