could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
