so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
