He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Randomize
