she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
