***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
