I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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