I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
