"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
