very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
