DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
