dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
