Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
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