Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
