never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
