Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I smell stomach acid.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
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your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
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I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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