apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize
