I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
