Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
