someone threw a dead crab at me
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
