Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize