Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
