the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
