So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
