How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
