Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
