Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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