Cold hands, warm shart.
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
