when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him