Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.