NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
