At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I'm passing your future prison.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
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