i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
