Please don't use social media to get back at me.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
