I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
