i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
