its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
