If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.