party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?