My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
God has nothing to do with this.