Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
