My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her