I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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