Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
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I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
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There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody